Years ago, a therapist I knew shared a metaphor with me – about walking out the door and falling in a hole. The metaphor, which is really a short story, describes howhard it is for us to change – even when we keep falling into the same hole.
I’ve used variations of it with groups for years, but it wasn’t until recently that I tried to track down the origins. Who knew it was actually a poem?!
The poem is by Portia Nelson, and it& rsquo;s called There’s A Hole In My Sidewalk: Autobiography in five short chapters. (Here’s a link to the poem and a bit of a deconstruction of it.)
Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost .... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter Two
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit ... but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter Five
I walk down another street.
The poem alone was worth the exploration, but imagine my surprise to discover that Portia Nelson was a singer and actress – and that she played the cantankerous Sister Berthe in The Sound of Music. Who knew?
What I like about this metaphor is how well it describes the challenges any of us face as we try to rid ourselves of old habits, or engage in new behaviors.
We make the slow transition from awkward to mechanical to instinctive over a period of weeks and months, not minutes and days. And we stumble, take two steps backward. But if we persist, we can prevail.
We may have to do the laborious work of filling the hole. Or sometimes, it is as easy as walking down another street.