Minneapolis

By John Sarvay

A good journey is a series of destinations. My journey to Minneapolis and its poky companion, St. Paul, was no different. Travel difficulties decreased proportionately as I moved further away from Richmond. Getting to the misnamed Richmond International Airport in the midst of a January ice storm was the hardest leg in my journey.

I was going northward to the home of the almost-triumphant Twins for two reasons: to visit a friend and to see Lyndon LaRouche, who is not a Libertarian. Unfortunately, Mr. LaRouche was released from his federal prison cell in the fir-laden land of Minnesota the day before my arrival.

As my USAir connection touched cold pavement, Lyndon LaRouche was toying with a poached egg at his Leesburg, Virginia, breakfast table. At the same time, Oliver North was announcing that he has so little respect for Congress that he wanted to be part of it, and Tonya Harding was in the midst of preparations for her long slide. It’s an ugly, little world, but Minneapolis is blanketed by a pristine layer of white snow. I felt pure.

Next to New York City, Minneapolis and its Siamese surrogate boast more live theatre than any other city in the good, ol’ USA. Theatre, hometown sports and the second-largest mall in North America make the Lake Cities a tinderbox of live entertainment.

In January’s frigid, waning days, “The Diary of Anne Frank” is sold out and protesters march outside of “Miss Saigon.” The Vikings have given up for another year, Christian Laetner is publicly chewing out his fellow Timberwolves and spring training has yet to start. Minnesota, an incubator for hockey greats, does not have a professional hockey team. Not a one.

Excepting St. Paul, the Twin Cities are surprisingly compact. Downtown Minneapolis is about the size of Downtown Richmond—on the other hand, it is clean and appears lively. It also boasts more than 60 coffee shops.

The city’s major linchpins downtown are the Warehouse District, the riverfront and the East Bank campus of a bigger commuter school than VCU.

If the driving was left to Greyhound, you’ll step out on First Avenue just blocks away from the Target Center and the zippy Warehouse District. Stow your bags in a locker and stroll around. If it’s too cold, head for the Skyways. In spite of it’s provincial airs, Minneapolis really is too big to do in a weekend. Downtown Minneapolis is ignored in this article. Call your travel agent for details.

My friend lives west of downtown near a cluster of major lakes, including Calhoun and Lake of the Isles. This area also happens to be a grooving, little corner of this Nordic town. This is where I’ll focus most of my attention. But first, the important stuff.

Mall of America

Before time is lost browsing the vintage clothing stores, coffee houses, record stores and clubs, get in the car and head for the Mall of America in nearby Bloomington.

If you fly into Minneapolis, you can catch one of the shuttle buses that runs to The Mall. Hundreds of Midwesterners grab special flights on Northwestern just to hit the Limited, Gap or any of the other 300+ stores.

There’s a real appeal to a mall where each level of the two parking decks is named after a state. The place doesn’t seem so big once visitors realize that only 12 states are represented—that is, only 12 levels of parking. Still, nine bars and 14 movie screens and two giant food courts must seem like Paradise Lost to the folks from Nebraska.

In fact, my friend and I met a man from Nebraska while waiting for a table at Planet Hollywood, just one of the cheesy celebrity bars in The Mall.

“What kind of beer is that?” the middle-aged man asked, nodding at my glass.

“Samuel Adams,” I answered, a polite smile plastered on my face. I glanced at his Miller Lite and inadvertently shuddered.

“I’ve never heard of that. Is it an import?”

“Well, it’s from Boston. You know, Samuel Adams is from Boston.”

“Yeah, I guess he is,” he said, motioning the bartender to fill him a glass. The next few minutes were spent listening to this man from Nebraska explain that he and his wife came out here every few months “to do a little shopping.” The closest comparison I could think of was if Southern Gun World, Washington and Philadelphia didn’t exist, you would have to drive to New York to buy a decent handgun. But he loved that Sam Adams. Another reason for the 800 mile drive.

While you’re there, take the kids to Knotts’ Camp Snoopy, home of the three-story inflated Snoopy, a log flume and indoor roller coaster. It’s the largest indoor theme park in America.

The basic picture is this: The Mall of America has all the stores you’ll find in Richmond plus a few more. It just has them all under one roof. It would be a monument to convenience if it wasn’t so damn inconvenient to get there.

Sledding and Boarding

If you make it to Minneapolis before the snow melts (in April), you might want to head for Theodore Wirth Park, north of the Lyndale area. You can rent an intertube, skis or snowboard for downhill and cross country fun. Call ahead for conditions and directions. They’re in the White Pages under Theodore Wirth Park.

Walker Art Center

Hennepin Avenue near I-94

The Walker Art Center is a giant Anderson Gallery and worth the visit just to browse the museum shop. Hundreds of books on art history, architecture, film and design fill shelves and tables. The shop also sells jewelry, shirts and quaint plastic knickknacks. In early February, the Walker was showing works by Helio Oiticica, a Brazilian artist pivotal in the Latin American artistic explosion of the 60s. Oiticica’s work combines found objects, native costumes and sound and slide projections to create a very Latino image of the collision between cultures. New York-based textual artist Lawrence Weiner was the second featured artist.

Adjacent to the Walker is the Minneapolis Sculpture Garden, which is free. The Walker will set you back $4, or $3 if you have a student ID to flash. Call 612-375-7622 for exhibit information.

Free Publications

Gaze: This free magazine shows just how networked Minneapolis’ gay population is. Gaze is monthly, but it’s as thick as the phone book for all of Lynchburg, Virginia. Chock full of information on the Twin Cities’ gay population and related activities. Free at most coffee shops, markets, etc.

Lick: “The alternative to the alternative” is a arty broadsheet covering hip-hop, funk, ska, thrash, house, techno, reggae and punk music. A generally good read with an almost-sloppy visual appeal. Free, but hard to find. Try Bryant Lake Bowl.

Twin Cities Reader: Dulled-down alternatives for middle-class, middle-aged gallery browsers. On the other hand, the Reader contains an occasional social barb, and has solid coverage of films, concerts and other arts goings-ons. Free and everywhere.

City Pages: Like some Richmond publications, City Pages seems to have decided that good stories don’t pay the bills. Like the Reader, City Pages gives you the run down on what’s going on, along with a few feature stories. Another booklet of newsprint filled with advertising. Free and underfoot.

Missed

Three places I managed to miss, but would love to know more about are Insignia (a Masonic supply store); the Good Templar National Office and Museum; and the Questionable Medical Devices Museum. I also missed during my five-day stay: a boat show, a rock-n-wrestle extravaganza, ice fishing, a trailer show and a rodeo.

U of Minn

On the West Bank of campus, head straight for the New Riverside Cafe, an employee-owned vegetarian restaurant—”Bio-Magnetic Center of the Universe.” The Cafe is at 329 Cedar Avenue South and is open seven days of every week. Motto of the day: “No boss, no meat.” Good, meatless meals. When we stopped by one evening the place was packed to the gills.

The West Bank of UM lies across the mighty Mississippi River from the more residential and traditional East Bank campus, but it boasts a small cluster of good restaurants like New Riverside, bookstores and a few clubs. We saw a band called Pleasure—they sound like their name—at the 400 Club, just across the street from the New Riverside Cafe.

It’s the East Bank, though, that seems to get all the business. Dinkytown, as the commercial district adjacent to the campus is called, has it all. Stop by the Purple Onion at 600 Southeast Washington Avenue for a glass of coffee. This stripped-down hangout for campus scenesters seems to be where everyone goes to study. You’ll find bagel shops, comic shops, used book stores and a Manchurian-style barbecue restaurant in Dinkytown. But unless you’re visiting the university, it really isn’t worth the trip.

Bryant Lake Bowl

Mandatory. Fun, food, wine, espresso, theater and bowling, bowling, bowling! It used to be a real dive until it was bought out and turned into a 50s Festhaus. Eight lanes of bowling are complemented by a coffee shop and adjacent theater (not film, but actual live people). More fun under one roof than most people can stand. Just down the street you can find all the jeans you want in all the colors you can imagine at one of several vintage clothing stores focusing on denim.

Loring Cafe

Just a skip of a rock across Loring Park Lake lies this sliver of 1930s Berlin culture. One huge building; four huge features. The Loring Cafe is a restaurant, nightclub, bar and performance art center, all in one but all in separate rooms so as not to distract. The bar is more or less a Victorian ode to Nordic beerhalls. Long stone tables covered with thick Oriental carpets and surrounded by plush chairs and plants. Good food, good beer and all the beautiful people you could shake a stick at. Or beat with a stick, if you’re so inclined.

Other Hot Spots

The member-owned Wedge Co-op is a clean, breezy healthy food store. It’s on the 2000 block of Lyndale, just down the street from Arise Bookstore and Resource Center. Arise is first of all a good place to pick up free publications and resource guides to Minneapolis—including a directory of gay-owned and other tolerant businesses. It is secondly, by the brogue spoken by the young counterhelp, a wellspring of Irish rebellion. It is, finally, a good spot to pick up all the African-American, Latin American, Women’s Studies and other non-mainstream political reading material.

Muddy Waters Coffee Shop is a little further down the street and is the, the, the rebel’s choice for drinking java. Modern primitives welcome. The CC Club is at 2500 block of Lyndale Avenue South and is the place to hit on a Friday or Saturday night for people watching, pool playing, a little beer drinking or just to hang out and chat. The night we were there, the city declared a snow emergency and started plowing. And towing everything in their path. When the dj announced that cars were being towed, the club emptied in seconds as Minnesota’s hipsters grabbed their keys and scurried to the snow-covered streets. We walked, so we were able to quietly move to a better table.

OarFolkJokeOpus Records is across the street from the CC Club is the place to shop for those hard-to-find alternative releases. OarFolkJokeOpus has a massive selection of 45s and alternative CDs and vinyl. They are so cool because the La Bradford LP was on display. Vinyl city. I’d dare say they blow Plan 9 out of the water, and when I walked in they were playing Crass’ “Penis Envy.”

Go to Sebastian Joe’s on Franklin Street between Lyndale and Hennepin for the best homemade ice cream in all of Minnesota. They offer discounts based on the number of degrees below zero it is that day.

Thrift your mind out in Minneapolis. Lyndale Vintage Clothing is heavy on women’s vintage-wear, but has the best outdoor wall art. It’s at 2431 Lyndale Avenue South and is open daily except sometimes not Sunday. If you walk up Lyndale far enough, you’ll bump into Lake Street in the area known as Uptown, but you may want to also stroll down Hennepin Avenue. Cobblestone Antiques at 1010 West Lake Street is huge and the grrls from Babes in Toyland have autographed the wall. For a more 70s flavor, try Uptown Mall Antiques at 1204 Lagoon Avenue South.

The 1400 block of West Lake Street is the creme de creme with Gabriela’s Vintage Clothing and the The New Power Generation store almost literally side by side. Gabriela’s is vintage clothes, religious icons, cards, jewelry, watches and household brick-a-brack from narrow wall to narrow wall. The store of the man we once knew as Prince is really a shrine, but there are plenty of CDs, stickers and jewelry items for sale at reasonable prices. Stop by the viewing room, crash on the silk cushions and watch the big screen TV for a small fee. Caress the motorcycle from “Purple Rain.”

Nearby is the Uptown Mall, which is a tiny version of the Mall of America. No indoor theme parks. Border’s Books is a good place to browse. On Hennepin Avenue, which runs along the Uptown Mall, you’ll find the Uptown Diner, home of whopping, huge hamburgers and good diner coffee. Hennepin also boasts The Gap, good used book stores, a decent movie theater and a palm reader’s.

Directionally, keep in mind that the three best streets in this area are Lake, Lyndale and Hennepin, which form a sort of triangle of coolness between the Walker Art Center and the Uptown Mall. And if you aren’t going to Minneapolis to be cool, you might as well stay in Richmond.