Senator Death Merchant, Your Limo Is Ready

By John Sarvay

It may come as a shocker, but some Virginians don’t want bulletproof vest mogul Oliver North to be their next Senator. Most of those people seem to be running for Senate themselves in what may turn out to be a ballot more complex than (and as pointless as) the GREs.

There’s North, Chuck Robb, Virgil Goode, Doug Wilder, Marshall Coleman, Sylvia Clute and Nancy Spannous. Until the Democratic primary narrows the field from seven to at least three—at our lowly press time, Wilder and Coleman had yet to formally announce that they are running—Virginians have a potpourri of Senatorial candidates. Choices, choices. But for a hardcore group of conservatives, there’s only one choice to be made in November, and that’s how many times they’ll be allowed to vote for Ollie.

What a dream North would be as Senator. A paper-shredder convicted for obstructing Congress, this gap-toothed Alfred E. Neuman of Conservatism wants to ignite “a second American revolution,” an implication that the first one just wasn’t good enough. Maybe there were too many civil liberties in the Bill of Rights, after all.

North railed against “a White House governed by a bunch of twentysomething kids with an earring and an axe to grind,” at the recent Republican convention in Richmond.

The media hates him, the rank-and-file of the military hate him, even Ronald Reagan—who North calls his personal hero—is campaigning against him. The only thing he has going for him is summed up by a popular bumper-sticker—”Pray North to Victory,” it reads. Which just might happen. Let’s pray not.

As the firebrand campaign for Senate heats up later this summer, there is at least one way to make a difference, and that’s by volunteering to campaign for one of the other candidates.

Find out how to get in touch with the candidates by calling Ye Olde State Board of Elections at 786-6551.